Dear Instagram, We Hate The Stupid Algorithm

It’s dumb, it’s wrong, it’s counterproductive, it’s rude, it’s frustrating, it’s confusing, it’s downright evil. All these things and a lot more can be said about a stupid algorithm created by really smart people.

That’s just it, the Instagram executives are too smart for their own good. They think they’re helping us and their financial bottom line at the same time by having the algorithm only show us what they think we want to see.

What they failed to remember is that the number one most functionally amazing technology ever created to tell Instagram with extreme accuracy what I want to see in chronological order is the follow button!

The follow button was masterfully crafted with 100 percent accuracy to show users only what they want to see in their feed.

The other aspect that these extremely book smart—but clearly not street smart—IG executives failed to realize when deciding what posts are most relevant to show us, based on our previous engagement with accounts, is that there’s lots of accounts that we’re forced to engage with for political reasons—like if my nephew, mother-in-law or co-worker posts something, I’m obligated to “like” it.

On the flip side of that, I’m never going to like an @anacheri photo because it’s too sexy and my wife would be infuriated, and I’m never going to comment on @danbilzerian’s exploits on his page in fear of getting in trouble as well.

But it obviously doesn’t mean that i don’t wanna see Ana and Dan’s posts just because I don’t engage with them. It’s far from that! I’m on Instagram to get a rush of endorphins to feel good, so I’d much rather see their entertaining content than my cousin’s dinner salad.

But with the way the algorithm works, I may never get those endorphins because it may push those pages way down in my feed or completely ignore them, all at the algorithm’s discretion.

Note: just because I never “like” my competitors page doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see what the restaurant owner across the street is posting in real time. It’s an easy way to stay on top of their marketing and specials.

20 Reasons Why I Don’t Like Your Instagram Post

1. I don’t like it because you don’t follow me back.

2. I don’t like it because you don’t like my posts.

3. I don’t like it because it doesn’t have 11 likes yet.

4. I don’t like it because I don’t want you to know that I’m creeping on your shit at 4 a.m.

5. I don’t like it because I don’t want you to know that I’m spending my Friday night on Instagram.

6. I don’t like it because your humble brag isn’t humble.

7. I don’t like it because your post is 100-percent self-serving.

8. I don’t like it because I’m jealous of your body.

9. I don’t like it because bae wouldn’t like it if I did.

10. I don’t like it because it’s a happy birthday post for someone I don’t know.

11. I don’t like it because I follow too many NYC food blogs to even notice it.

12. I don’t like it because I’m driving and that’s how people get killed.

13. I don’t like it because I can’t double tap the screen without putting down my pizza.

14. I don’t like it because we slept together a few weeks back. Better to lay low for now.

15. I don’t like it because I liked your last 3 posts and now I’ve got to play hard to get.

Dear Instagram, We Hate The Stupid Algorithm — Sincerely, Every User

It’s dumb, it’s wrong, it’s counterproductive, it’s rude, it’s frustrating, it’s confusing, it’s downright evil. All these things and a lot more can be said about a stupid algorithm created by really smart people.

That’s just it, the Instagram executives are too smart for their own good. They think they’re helping us and their financial bottom line at the same time by having the algorithm only show us what they think we want to see.

What they failed to remember is that the number one most functionally amazing technology ever created to tell Instagram with extreme accuracy what I want to see in chronological order is the follow button!

The follow button was masterfully crafted with 100 percent accuracy to show users only what they want to see in their feed.

The other aspect that these extremely book smart—but clearly not street smart—IG executives failed to realize when deciding what posts are most relevant to show us, based on our previous engagement with accounts, is that there’s lots of accounts that we’re forced to engage with for political reasons—like if my nephew, mother-in-law or co-worker posts something, I’m obligated to “like” it.

On the flip side of that, I’m never going to like an @anacheri photo because it’s too sexy and my wife would be infuriated, and I’m never going to comment on @danbilzerian’s exploits on his page in fear of getting in trouble as well.

But it obviously doesn’t mean that i don’t wanna see Ana and Dan’s posts just because I don’t engage with them. It’s far from that! I’m on Instagram to get a rush of endorphins to feel good, so I’d much rather see their entertaining content than my cousin’s dinner salad.

But with the way the algorithm works, I may never get those endorphins because it may push those pages way down in my feed or completely ignore them, all at the algorithm’s discretion.

Cristiano Ronaldo Is The First Athlete To Join This Super-Exclusive Club

Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has just reached a major Instagram landmark.

The Real Madrid and Portugal player this week became the first athlete to hit 100 million followers on the picture-sharing service. He joins pop stars Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande in the super-exclusive club.

“Hi guys, I’m so happy to have reached 100 million, it’s a magic number,” the 32-year-old said via Instagram to mark the occasion. “I have to thank you, all of you, for the support that you give me all over the world.”

Ronaldo uses his social media accounts to post photos from his matches and images of his young son and their life at home. Often, the posts are accompanied by inspirational messages.

With 120 million Facebook fans and 50 million Twitter followers, Ronaldo now has a global audience of around 290 million accounts. To date, this is his most-liked Instagram post: